The coronavirus scare has our whole society on virtual lockdown, or “social distancing.” For days, we’ve been bombarded with articles about what to do with the kids and tweets joking about buying TP and alcohol.
The primary theme of all this? Survival. People have gotten so dramatic that I’ve seen nerds putting their feet down and saying, “Stop comparing this to the zombie apocalypse!”
Think about that. We’re facing a virus that spreads quickly but so far has killed relatively few people. The goal of social distancing is not to prevent plague-level death rates but to slow the transmission so the health system can manage it–what’s called “flattening the curve.”
Obviously, we want to take something seriously that we don’t have a way to combat, yet, and that threatens to overwhelm our health care system. But it behooves us to reflect for a second about what “seriously” means.
Social Distancing: Fear vs. Recklessness
Getting wasted is clearly not a serious response. Neither is the bizarre and frivolous behavior of some of my fellow Christians, who are continuing to gather in church on the logic that God doesn’t care if they are prudent or not. As Twitter has pointed out, they wouldn’t use that logic about seat belts or safety checks on airplanes.
But fear is also not a serious response. It’s a natural response, I think; social distancing makes our world uncanny, after all. We go downtown or to the store or even to the park and there are no people there. It feels like everyone has disappeared, and this turns on our Spidey-senses.
However, we cannot live full lives in fear. Fear shuts down parts of our brain and even our bodies. It’s not actually the apocalypse; it’s an attempt to prevent one.
Thriving at a Safe Social Distance
I believe we can live full lives under social distancing, or even under quarantine. Think of hermits or ascetics. There are whole traditions around the world of people isolating themselves in order to experience greater spiritual fulfillment. They’ve developed disciplines of prayer, meditation, gratitude, and love that we can still learn from.
There’s nothing a hermit does in isolation that we can’t figure out how to do under social distancing.
Why would one want to practice ascetic disciplines?
Because you want to come out of this with your character and integrity intact–or possibly having grown richer and stronger. It’s easy to get caught up in the present paranoia. Start thinking about the future.
When you think about the future, it changes your present. You have to make changes in the present in order to achieve your imagined future.
If you’re doing it hermit-style, you’re also becoming more present to the present. That is, more aware of the here and now and less concerned with what you cannot control outside of you.
Asceticism for the Whole Family
How are we trying to become better people and thrive in our family’s isolation? For the sake of transparency and adding to the conversation, here are the things we’ve attempting (as of today, anyway).
Have a schedule
Monks are called to prayer by the ringing bell several times a day–why not do the same? I try to write personal time into my schedule, and we’ve come up with a family schedule for the next few weeks of remote school.
Plan spiritual disciplines
We’ve built a morning meditation/prayer time as well as an afternoon yoga time into our schedule so the kids know that it’s a value for the family.
Practice transparency
Another word for this is honesty. We’re trying to talk our kids through all the decisions we’re making as well as all the feelings. We want them to feel like they are part of the process and that we respect their experiences. They already feel stressed and out of control enough.
Practice presence
The updated term for this is flexibility. It’s the effort to take each moment as it comes and to adapt with grace when your plans have to change.
Practice gratitude
This is a tough one for me, but I’m hoping it will teach our kids something. Every night at dinner we go around and share our blessings for the day. The goal is to recognize that, if we’re alive, there’s something to be grateful for.
If we’re alive, there’s something to be grateful for.
Have family dinner
We prioritize spending some time together as a family, especially dinner time. It reinforces our unity and gives us time to try to connect after an eventful day. And research suggests family meals have positive impacts on childhood development.
Create screen-free zones and times
Kids actually find parents’ phone use more disturbing than the reverse. Plus, it’s simply important for their brains that we limit screen time. Dinner time is a screen-free time for us, and after dinner we have either family screen time or no screen time.
Set goals / Have a project
Any self-improvement or thought leader will tell you that if you don’t goals, you definitely won’t achieve them.
My goals are pretty simple:
- Manage my emotions and time well so I can be present for my family
- Do more work on my business
- Spend time on personal writing and video projects
No, they’re not SMART goals or anything, but at least they’re goals. I’m trying to be realistic and not set myself up for frustration.
I’m not claiming these are brilliant or novel ideas. Actually, I opened by saying they’re ancient ideas. May something in here help you be the best you during these weird times.
Is it time to write that book?
I want to speak now to those business owners and thought leaders and people with important life experiences. You’ve thought about writing a book for a long time but haven’t gotten around to it. Now, the world is changing daily. Who knows what our country and economy and politics will look like six or eight months from now. Maybe it’s time to write that book.
Make a plan. Schedule the time into your calendar. Heck, do it at the kitchen table while the kids do their schoolwork. If not now, when nothing is normal, then what will it take, for crying out loud?
Look, this is what I do. I’m here to help. If you’re ready to make the commitment and get that book written, contact me to find out how I can help you find the words.
Image by Benjamin Sz-J. from Pixabay
